(Back at Wallys But and Ben, The Diabolical Trinity try to work out what went wrong and what it means for the future.)
Sally: Aw pure naw, that's wizny supposed to happen, did naebody tell the Jambos we'e the big bluenoses and they're the wee bluenoses, they're only supposed to beat the Sellik
Wally: Its particularly disappointing given we are supposed to be winning the league in a canter, particularly as Big DJ picked us in his particularly inimitable fashion after weighing up all the particulars. It's definetley a set back and no very good ataw.
Kenny: Boss have you any Magnum's in your fridge?
Wally: shut up Kenny for Christ sake can you no see am particularly perturbed and depressed as to our particularly shit situation we find ourselves?
Sally: but boss, a thought everybody was clear that since we came back aw the refs and everybody was to make sure that we won the league and nothing was supposed to be able top stop us?
Wally: That was the script sure, but look, Celtic went on to win five nil. All the undermining in the world from the Daily Ranger doesn't seem to be having the desired effect.
Kenny: What aboot swizzsels then, have ye any swizzels boss a luv swizzzels?
Sally: Am pure depressed and I canny even think of wan joke and a usually am the funniest guy on the planet but today am feelin aw funny, but no funny lioke ma mad patter, like normal people must feel who urny the funniest person in the world, now I know what it feel to be normal.
Wally: This is the first team we've been up against and they kick our erses. Im particularly upset at the defence, they're pish. What about the Faye, We would have been better with Fay Dunnaway.
Kenny: Was that a van a heard, boss can a get money for the van?
Sally: Im beginning to think that our destiny might no pure be the league boss. Ive got a horrible feeling that we might get wur bawz parted.
Wally: Me Tae, Im worried aboot the Champions League anaw, awright we got in but this could be a pure brass if that defence plays like that.
There is a knock at the door, Kenny goes and in comes Sir Minty.
Sir Minty: Whit are you three bawbags dane way that team? I'm pure skint and that's aw a get for for ma dough? I have never seen such a useless bunch a diddies. Whats gonny happen when we face up to real teams and heaven forbid the Sellik will do us anaw.
Wally: Sir Minty don't worry, Am Wally and that's Sally, were pure rangers men and we always beat the Sellik. We will turn round this particularly inopportune situation and take the Gers to the very top of Europe,
Sally: as long as the fans don't sing they funny songs way the Pope in them and getting a seeing to. And aw that blood up to their knees. Pure danger UXB if you ask me.
Kenny: Sir minty can a get money for the van?
Sir Minty: Naw, they two have spent it aw.
Sally: I got drunk last night tae try and forget were no gauny win anyhin, aw wiz pure bouncing oot ma dial.
Kenny: Ave got a pet hamster.
Wally: I think there is only wan thing fur it, we need a particularly high level meeting with the Smidster, he's the top man at the SFA and we need him to make up rules that makes Sellik only get a point for ma win and if the lose they gat five points aff……better make that 8 points aff. And also the refs need to get their act in order.
Sir minty: Ye better day something because its obviouis that that team you put together with the last ay ma slappin doon tenners is pish. I had to phone up they rugby people and say I was only having a April fool laugh when I said I would sponsor them. They were pure ragin but they understand I might need to spend even more in Jasnuary because of the twats you have bought couldn'y win hee haw.
Kenny: Can a watch Transformers av brought the DVD way me. It would be pure good if a hid a big bag a sweeties thou8gh. Have you any Hob nobs boss.
Sally: Dont worry, by the morra aw ma patter will be back and I will able to find a solution to our problems, tis just a slump, we will bounce back.
Wally: Im particularly keen on that happening sally. Lets face it if it doesny we're out on our arses.
Sir Minty: That's the closest thing to the truth ive heard since a came in.
Kenny: I can see a bag a Fun Size Topics in there.
Wally: Sally gonny take him hame for **** sake?